Polygamy

My take on polygamy is definitely on the negative. I was born and raised in polygamy and based on my experience, and I know so many also raised in a polygamous settings will agree with me that only hurt, enigma, and worries comes with polygamy. Distrust, envy and jealousy is all there is in polygamy.

The constant plotting by rival wife and her children against the other wife and vice versa, is an everyday activity in a polygamous household. Every wife wants to be the favorite, she strives to take shine in the husband’s presence, out do the other wives and be the manipulator.

It is in-fact impossible that one man will have multiple wives and so many children then expects that peace will reign and that they all live happily in union. No, it does not at all work that way. There is no emotional or even physical security in polygamy. No one is safe, even in sharing the husband there is absolutely no fairness. The only fair share every one gets is of heart brakes. 

Any one who is a part of any polygamous household gets emotionally hurt one way or the other and if you are not physically strong or well armed and not so good in the plotting game, you are in constant fear but also mentally prepared for the next attack from a rival wife and her children when it befalls you.  ( yes physical attacks are very common)

No child and I repeat, no child raised in polygamy will be mentally stable. The conflicts, bitterness, envy, distrust and the  so called ‘casting of spell’ on each other that breathes in polygamy affects growing children negatively. I still have flashing images of the chaos and conflicts I witnessed multiple times as a child growing up in polygamy. And it is still one of the causes of my anxiety till date.

The so called ‘favorite children’ have the mentality of superiority over the ‘not so favorite’ ones. And of course the ‘ not so favorite’ eventually becomes resentful and struggles to fight back (you don’t even wana know how ugly it can get). Separations and a certain level of hatred amongst siblings is a common issue. Back in the day, I remember how we all went to the same school as siblings and we always rode in the same car, but there were also times we had to go to school in separate cars. I remember how embarrassed that made me felt because it was obvious to the outside world that there was a problem in my household. 

Some people may not have the same experiences with polygamy as I have. But one thing is certain, they cannot deny that polygamy brought them some level of unhappiness and made them envious at some point. I mean let’s be honest, no woman is ever happy sharing her husband, this also means that women married into polygamy are never happy women no matter how happy they appear to be. And the truth also remains that having rival wives and children in union as a family is everything a joyful and healthy family is not. 

It’s Annoying how people keep blah blah blahying on how Islam permits having up to four wives. Again, is it not the same Islam that also said don’t take even one wife if you can’t do justice to her? And I think if all the Mulas and sheikhs will stop all these preachings for their selfish interests and that of their fellow men, to stop living in denial instead use their senses to reason on this, they will be able to understand that Islam itself is indirectly telling them something else because it’s impossible for a man with multiple wives to be just. 

I believe in one man one wife. If God’s intention for men was to have four wives at the same time, he would have taken out four ribs from Adam and created him four hauwau’s (eve).

This idea or mentality that most men can’t be sexually satisfied by one woman, and using it to justify why they should have more than one wife is disgusting. It’s illogical and should be discard. 

Enough of all these religious, traditional, and cultural make believe. Men shld stick to one wife. Polygamy is nothing but an emotional roller coaster rides for people involved, one minute you are the favorite the next minute you are not. Even the man (the husband) who started it all ends up having no peace of mind. No one’s emotion deserves to be played with.