WHAT LOSING MY DAD TAUGHT ME

Here is what loosing my dad taught me.... That until you lost someone dearly, you won’t know who genuinely cares for you.    It taught me that fear is just an illusion....I visited my dad’s grave, I fearlessly and respectfully walked pass through other graves. And when it was time to go I wished I stayed longer... Losing my dad has taught me that everything I was ever scared of was only because I never found myself in that situation And most importantly his demise taught me that fathers never stop teaching us even after they’re gone. It took my dad’s demise for me to realize all these. Rest on dear beloved father ❤️

HE LEFT BEHIND A DAUGHTER

He left behind a daughter Who is fearlessly honest, morally courageous, speaks up and calls out on people for being wrong because it was what he taught her... He left behind a daughter  Who is confident, follows her heart and believes in herself  because he believed in her... He left behind a daughter Who doesn’t take No for an answer And would not take back her words, she would call a spade a spade because she watched how her father was never a hypocrite... He left behind a daughter Who is always ready to lend a helping hand and reached out to  those that may need her Because she watched her father passionately fed so many mouths... He left behind a daughter Who may never live up to his standards  But is sure to carry on the legacy he left behind... But most importantly He left behind a daughter  Who loves him dearly And Is sure to pray for the rest of her life, that he find peace wherever he maybe. She is without a doubt her father’s daughter... .............................................................. I miss you beloved Father

A TRIBUTE TO MY DEAR BELOVED FATHER

Like most daughters I always thought my father was a super hero. That he will make it through what ever. That he won’t fall sick or weak. That he will always be there when I need him. I was in denial about my dad’s aging. 

Then i realized when we spoke on phone the tone in his voice was more subtle almost tired and low. That was when it finally hit me that my dad no longer had the strength I always thought he had. 

At my Husband’s my Father has always been the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the mornings and the last when I go to bed.

Away at my husband’s I always missed home, and missing home always meant missing my dear beloved father. 

When I am hurt, snugged up in tears, with no one to feel my pain or anyone to understand. Miles and miles away, my dear beloved father always inquired about my wellness. And wished away all the pains that may come my way.

When I miss home, I miss the days I would hear the monumental sound of his footsteps as he walked towards the compound where I listened and waited in excitement for his executive entrance as I behaved myself out of respect for his presence.

Oh how he sweetened my heart and gave me the goosebumps. When I miss home, missing home meant missing him.

The very Saturday I touched down yola, went straight to the hospital where he layed in Coma. On seeing him in such condition, I almost past out. And when I held his fragile hand and spoke to him. On hearing my voice, He immediately moved and took a deep breath. As if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. He knew I was there..

The tenebrosity of the same very Saturday I lost my father has made everything beautiful unsightly. The air became toxic, my vision blurry and the atmosphere suddenly became darker.

The only person that loved me the most, my protector, my begetter is no more. On that same night we all sat around your lifeless body, you looked so handsome it felt like you were only sleeping.

I have waterfalls of questions running through my head. Questions like how did Baba got from bad to worst at the hospital? Why the plans to move him abroad for treatment was delayed? But everything happened according to Allah’s wish. It was his time, God chose him to be with him. As a Muslim it’s exactly how I should think. Asking questions like these will only mean that I’ve lost faith in God himself.

Being in my dad’s presence had always been special to me. His memories I will hold on to and cherish forever. I would always cherish the quality times we had together. Times when he drove me down to go write my common entrance exams, made sure I had all my writing materials, gave me a cheer and wished me luck. I still remember days I was Sick with measles, he took care of me and watched over me through the nights. My father gave up all political appointments so he would stay home and raise his children. He loved his children with every inched of his being. My father is fathomless.

Dear father, if I could trade my world for just one wish, it would be to go back to the days I was growing up. To the days when you would drive us round town for ice cream treats. days you would sit on your white plastic chair out in the front yard as we board the school bus to school. To the days we all ran around your knees. 

I would go back to the days I ran and jumped and played within the compound while you watched up from the balcony as I melted your heart.

Days you would request us your kids to unite as one. And you would say to us ‘ I am your unifying factor ‘.

My father gave us the best. We basically grew up within the compound under his watch. He protected us from the outside world. I remember how we always wondered why we were never free to go out like most of our friends at school. We never went to birthday parties or trips to markets. We had everything we ever wanted delivered home. We had our little parties right within our large compound. Home was our little world. As a kid I always wondered why I was being raised differently but as I grew older I got to understand that my dear beloved father only made sure we got protected from the wicked world. And for that We are very very great full.

Dear beloved father, that i remind me of you is the greatest gift of life. nothing is as sincere as my love for you. I may never live up to your standards but one thing is for sure, I will always cherish and put in practice all the priceless lessons you’ve given me. You were and will always be my hero, my Superman my first love. I will miss your special smile, your special voice your special presence. Alhamdulillah you led a good life and had a peaceful ending. I love you so very much. Rest In perfect Peace Baba.

MISSING HOME MEANS MISSING HIM

When i miss home 
It only means one thing
missing home means missing him

I wake up every morning
Amidst all the chaos 
And my busy schedules
Attending to the needs 
of the offspring i begot
And a list of other things
To cater for He
I miss home
And missing home means missing him

And when i am hurt
Snugged up in tears
With no one to feel my pain
Or anyone to Understand.....
Miles and Miles away
Sitting in the yard
Looking up at the stars
He is wishing away
All the sadness that may come my way
I miss home
And missing home means missing him




The white painted walls with stripes of black
And scented flower surrounding
That sheltered me
I jumped and ran and played
He was never afar
Up on the balcony
He watched with delight
As i melted his heart 
I miss home
And missing home means missing him

The sound of his footsteps
Oh so Monumental 
As he walked towards the compound
Where i listened
And waited in excitement 
For his executive entrance as i behaved myself
Out of respect for his presence 
He sweetened my heart
And gave me the goosebumps
I miss home 
And missing home means missing him


He is my protector, my Hero
My first love, my Favorite
He is my Father
And when i feel all alone
I miss home 
And missing home means missing my dear beloved Father

~Lmaril

TUESDAY TALK

Ok so am just a thirty something year old woman exploring life the best way I know how . You see I like to think I have no rules governing my life, I may have boundaries here and there but I mostly like to live freely. I believe in Love. Where there is love there is peace and where there is peace there is freedom. 

I like to think I am a philosopher, I believe everyone is in one way or the other. I have my own set of craziness (not a lot of people get me)......

I read a lot, motivational and Romance are  my favorite I have lots of books, some of them I like to read repeatedly. from Sydney Sheldon to zig ziglar. 

Skeleton in the closet I bet everyone has at least one. I know I do, yeap very guilty. So what does it mean to have a skeleton in the closet? In my own understanding, it’s basically having something you are hiding, something you won’t dare to share with anyone. A shameful, humiliating or confusing facts best left in hiding. A factuality considered to be morally wrong or at worst could easily cause disaster if let out. 

What is right or wrong? Who determines what you do as right or wrong? I like to think that sometimes definition of right and wrong varies. What I may consider as right might not be the same for you. My right could be your wrong. For example, putting up a kissing picture of me and hubby up on my dp for everyone in my contact to view maybe morally wrong to so many people. (Yea I got attacked a few times for doing so) But it was my little happy moment and sharing it in return made me even more happy.  Therefore just because is not something you will do personally does not make my doing so generally wrong in anyway. 

Again, like wearing a bikini is not something I will do personally. But I admire people who have the confidence to do so. It just shows that they love and embrace the way they look and are happy with their bodies. If you think wearing a bikini is wrong either culturally or religiously, well then regardless of what you think people are doing it and will continue to do it, no body cares about what you think anyways. People may not have the same beliefs as you, and it’s not for you to judge. So you see what I mean? I just don’t take life too seriously. Some people need to get over themselves and live freely for a minute.

Like I said, I love to live fully and freely, to spend life not doing some doltish drama in my mind, ( well even though sometimes I do) but to be fully touched by life....life is here and now, life is here to happen in full force. So live life to the fullest

I strongly believe that a woman can have it all, Amazing love life, happiness, beautiful family, successful career, comfortable life you just name it and she can have it all at the same time too.  But only when she works for it. It won’t just be handed to her on a silver plater.

I am very expressive  I hardly hide my emotions, I let it all out . in honesty, if I have ish good or bad with anyone personally, I promise you that they will know about it. I will unapologetically express it to them. And I don’t ever take back what I say if I really meant them the first time, unless of course in a situation where things I said was as a result of misinformation. I want to Emphasize that I do not at all hoard emotions.... And oh yea lastly romance is my life. *winks

Be original, be you, and just live life!

Polygamy

My take on polygamy is definitely on the negative. I was born and raised in polygamy and based on my experience, and I know so many also raised in a polygamous settings will agree with me that only hurt, enigma, and worries comes with polygamy. Distrust, envy and jealousy is all there is in polygamy.

The constant plotting by rival wife and her children against the other wife and vice versa, is an everyday activity in a polygamous household. Every wife wants to be the favorite, she strives to take shine in the husband’s presence, out do the other wives and be the manipulator.

It is in-fact impossible that one man will have multiple wives and so many children then expects that peace will reign and that they all live happily in union. No, it does not at all work that way. There is no emotional or even physical security in polygamy. No one is safe, even in sharing the husband there is absolutely no fairness. The only fair share every one gets is of heart brakes. 

Any one who is a part of any polygamous household gets emotionally hurt one way or the other and if you are not physically strong or well armed and not so good in the plotting game, you are in constant fear but also mentally prepared for the next attack from a rival wife and her children when it befalls you.  ( yes physical attacks are very common)

No child and I repeat, no child raised in polygamy will be mentally stable. The conflicts, bitterness, envy, distrust and the  so called ‘casting of spell’ on each other that breathes in polygamy affects growing children negatively. I still have flashing images of the chaos and conflicts I witnessed multiple times as a child growing up in polygamy. And it is still one of the causes of my anxiety till date.

The so called ‘favorite children’ have the mentality of superiority over the ‘not so favorite’ ones. And of course the ‘ not so favorite’ eventually becomes resentful and struggles to fight back (you don’t even wana know how ugly it can get). Separations and a certain level of hatred amongst siblings is a common issue. Back in the day, I remember how we all went to the same school as siblings and we always rode in the same car, but there were also times we had to go to school in separate cars. I remember how embarrassed that made me felt because it was obvious to the outside world that there was a problem in my household. 

Some people may not have the same experiences with polygamy as I have. But one thing is certain, they cannot deny that polygamy brought them some level of unhappiness and made them envious at some point. I mean let’s be honest, no woman is ever happy sharing her husband, this also means that women married into polygamy are never happy women no matter how happy they appear to be. And the truth also remains that having rival wives and children in union as a family is everything a joyful and healthy family is not. 

It’s Annoying how people keep blah blah blahying on how Islam permits having up to four wives. Again, is it not the same Islam that also said don’t take even one wife if you can’t do justice to her? And I think if all the Mulas and sheikhs will stop all these preachings for their selfish interests and that of their fellow men, to stop living in denial instead use their senses to reason on this, they will be able to understand that Islam itself is indirectly telling them something else because it’s impossible for a man with multiple wives to be just. 

I believe in one man one wife. If God’s intention for men was to have four wives at the same time, he would have taken out four ribs from Adam and created him four hauwau’s (eve).

This idea or mentality that most men can’t be sexually satisfied by one woman, and using it to justify why they should have more than one wife is disgusting. It’s illogical and should be discard. 

Enough of all these religious, traditional, and cultural make believe. Men shld stick to one wife. Polygamy is nothing but an emotional roller coaster rides for people involved, one minute you are the favorite the next minute you are not. Even the man (the husband) who started it all ends up having no peace of mind. No one’s emotion deserves to be played with.