Where i come from

13 years ago I moved to Lagos imidiately after my wedding. I carefully observed for a while how things were done, how everyone gets up in the morning to hustle including women.  That was when I realized there was so much to life than what i thought.

I was born and raised in the North eastern Nigeria.(Adamawa state to be specific) Where things are done differently. I come from an extended family. My father has 4 wives and 38 children. Yea I know, I thought it was so Normal, until after telling people here that I have 37 siblings and i get the reaction...'what you have 37 siblings?!'  That was when I realized it was not so common here. But very common where I come from. This is what happens, Men are allowed to marry up to four wives and have many children. And please dont ask me how they handle four wives and that many children, I don't know how, but one thing is for sure, it was chaotic most times (Laughs).

 I basically grew up within my compound, we were litterally not allowed to go out well except for school of course. From school straight back home and that was it. We never really knew what was in the outside world. We never went to other kids birthday parties nothing, but again we never got bored, i mean I had alot of siblings to play with and a large compound to run around.

Looking back now my compound was literally like a school play ground. It was our own little mad world with a lot of activities going on, some ridding bikes while some skipping ropes. On one side some playing doctors, teachers, mum and dad, while on the other side a singing competition being held. I remember how our mothers each from her front deck will watch with delight all the fun activities taking place. I was a kid and of course i never complained being locked up within my compound as I had activities going on for me. But now I asked myself how did our mothers survived being indoors 24/7 with so many kids to raised, TV to watch and a husband to share? What if there was so much more they could do? What if they were skillful? If someday the luxurious mansion like home or its maintenance is not there? What shld they fall back on? Questions that has no answers.

Where I come from girls are over protected and when I say over protected I mean OVEEEEERRRR protected. We were not allowed to hang out with friends, you dont talk to no boys, talking to boys was a hell no! no! and your every move is being watched. So you don't have any boy friend but yet you are expected to get married after secondary school. I use to wonder how i don't even have any boy i like but then i was asked to get married? But you know most times these marriages are arranged so you don't really get to choose anyways.

As a child I always knew their was something different about me. I always thought my Culture was misogynistic and it still is. I never liked all the rules I grew up with. As a result of these rules you find that majority of girls even boys where i come from grow up lacking confidence and the exposure to speak in public or mingle with other people, and then the outside world becomes a new thing to learn about and a new life to live. Like the way i was raised, i dont believe so many things I was taught to believe. For example, I don't believe that to be a good wife I have to be locked up in doors, confine. I don't believe that my husband doesnt have to be submissive but that i have to be totally submissive to my husband to prove my loyalty. Yes I am a woman but i am not inferior.

I am glad that I was able to go back to school and earn my degree with the support of my husband of course, and today i am able to use my voice confidently where ever I go. I also wish to inspire and motivate other women like me with the same story, to come out of their shells and get some confidence. To engage and adapt the culture of critical thinking. To not live life like our mothers did. The time for Reformation is Now!. Yes where I come from things are done differently. But now I am doing things differently.

Lubna J.
(Lmaril)